


Remember When

by inkedstarlight



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - Coffee Shops & Cafés, Alternate Universe - Non-Magical, Angst, F/M, M/M, Marauders, Post-Break Up, Smut, jily, wolfstar
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-12-01
Updated: 2018-03-13
Packaged: 2019-02-09 07:13:25
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,660
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12882786
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/inkedstarlight/pseuds/inkedstarlight
Summary: Sirius and Remus meet at an old coffee shop to get closure, but things get messy and hearts get broken - more than once.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is just a short story that'll end up being a few chapters long! Sorry for being MIA - life has been crazy and I haven't had the time to write as much as I want to. I hope you all like this one, kudos and comments are the best :) Thank you for reading as always!!!

_Meet me at our old place._

Remus reread the most recent text his ex had sent this morning. He looked up to read the fading letters of the coffee shop. Remus blinked, fighting off painful memories. He hadn’t stepped foot in there for months. But with just a glance at the blooming sunflowers, the smell of freshly brewed coffee, the darkened floor to floor windows, the old little gate in front; and the past possessed his entire being. Instead of the yellow flowers underneath the windows, he saw strong fingers plucking one from its roots and tucking it behind his ear. Instead of freshly brewed coffee, he smelled woodsy cologne and midnight nail polish. Instead of the vacant seats behind the dark window, he saw two men sitting. Laughing. And instead of a locked gate, he saw a man holding it open for him.

Taking a deep breath, he opened the gate himself, began walking forward, and entered the shop, the tinkle of a bell announcing his entrance. Keeping his head down, he walked quickly past the counter, to the back door where he found their old place.

It was exactly the same as it had been the last time. But it was so different.

Fallen leaves scattered the small patio, the yellows and deep reds and burnt oranges adding color to the peeling fence and the rustic tables.

No one was there.

His heart squeezed and his fingers trembled as he typed a quick response.

_I’m here._

He got a reply immediately.

_Shit. Alarm never went off. I’ll be there in 5. Please don’t leave._

Remus checked his watch.

1:17pm.

Who the fuck slept past noon on a Monday?

He should’ve known something like this would’ve happened. It always does. The bastard asks for something and never follows through himself. Whether it was arriving late at dates _he_ had planned or forgetting anniversaries. It was always something.

1:22pm. Five minutes later and nothing. Had he really been such a sodding idiot to believe _he_ would stick to his word?

1:27pm. Nothing. Remus stopped pacing and kicked over a chair in anger. Anger at himself for not knowing better. For having this stupid hope inside him whenever it came to him.

Hope.

He snorted.

Scowling at everything in sight, Remus ran through all the scenarios in his head. Arriving back at his flat ten minutes after he had left, Lily firing question after question. It would be humiliating. Or maybe bumping into _him_ and James at some party that was bound to happen, and hearing about how bloody fantastic he’s been. Why did he have to hope when there was nothing left to stay for? No one saying, “I made a mistake - give me a second chance. I love you.” Hope is for the fools who dare to dream, to extend that vulnerable part of themselves and blindly give it to someone.

A growl escaped his throat as he yanked open the door back inside the cafe just as someone pulled it on their end. Remus’s head snapped up just in time to see Sirius staring at him with wide eyes, his hand on the door handle.

Remus released the door with a huff to let Sirius through.

“I’m so sorry I’m late. I set the fucking alarm for the wrong time.” A nervous laugh.

“Yeah. I got that. It’s fine,” he said dismissively. Running a hand through his disheveled golden hair, Remus gestured to the nearest table. “Shall we?”

They sat down on the rusting chairs, avoiding each other's’ gaze as soon as they settle in.

“Did you, er… did you want coffee? Tea?” Remus never heard Sirius stutter before.

“I’m fine. Thanks.”

A tense silence followed. Sirius played with his rings under the table, biting his lip anxiously as the other man bit his nails (a nasty habit). The only tangible sound was that of the distant calling of names inside the coffee shop and the occasional bird call. Remus finally broke the quiet and stared down at him hardly.

“Why did you want to meet with me? After not talking for, what was it? Five months?”

“I didn’t think you’d want to talk to me after everything that happened.”

  
“Bullshit.”

  
“Come on, Re - ”

“Don’t fucking call me that. Ever.”

Sirius leaned back with wide eyes, hurt painted across his shadowed face. It was as if Remus had slapped him, but the blow was much worse. Deadly, even. he stared at the man he used to be in love with; the man he snuggled with on late Sunday mornings, the man he kissed endless amounts of times in thousands of places, the man with whom he shared sundaes and hot chocolate. The man who he stayed up all night with when night terrors struck. The man who, six months ago, he thought to be the person he would spend forever with.

And all that had vanished into… meer memories. It was now a chasm of “remember when’s” and drunk nights trying to forget the reel of movies that they had created.

Now, the man that sat before him was cold and hard. Not a sliver of the witty, all consuming person he fell in love with. Only calculating eyes, an unshaven jaw, and a permanent frown. He was entirely… closed off.

And it was all Sirius’s fault.


	2. Chapter 2

**Eleven months ago**

 

Remus remembered when it had begun. The night had calmed down once James had dragged a drunk Lily out of his flat after an evening of belly aching laughter, the buzz of one too many drinks, and games that the twenty-two year olds are “too old” for. Peter had left prior to the couple’s departure, the awkwardly tall man calling it a night earlier than ten o’clock. That left Remus and Sirius lounging in a loveseat, a glass of wine twirling in each of their hands. They were reminiscing of the time they had met, just three years ago when Lily and James decided to introduce their mutual friends.

“My first impression of you?” Sirius repeated with a chuckle, scrunching up his nose. “I think it was somewhere along the lines of: ‘Fuck, he’s tall.’”

Remus reached over and threw a pillow at him. “Wanker.” Sirius deflected easily and nonchalantly took a sip of wine. “Was that really what first popped into your mind?”

Sirius bit his lip thoughtfully, debating whether he should tell the truth or not. After gazing at the golden hues of Remus’s hair and his marred scar that led to his full lips, he settled on the truth. “Honestly? I thought you were the most handsome man I’d ever seen, standing there in your sweater vest and crooked glasses.”

Remus’s eyes widened, completely taken aback. He’d had feelings for Sirius ever since they met, but he never knew - even suspected - that those feelings were reciprocated. He had attacked Lily after they’d met, firing off question after question, the first being, “Why the hell didn’t you tell me how attractive he is?”

They stared at each other across the couch, Sirius’s midnight eyes twinkling in the dim light of the room. He reached up to tuck a loose strand of hair behind his ear, wetting his bottom lip subtly. “I have to admit, Re - ” a nickname he only uses when they were alone “ - I think about you a lot… too much.”

Remus cleared his throat abruptly, his face on fire, caught in his friend’s intoxicating trance. He never thought that Sirius would see him in _that way._ He was always going from man to man, never staying with the same person too long. He’d broken a lot of hearts, and Remus had often seen the aftermath, whether it be ex boyfriends trashing his flat or a break down in the middle of the street after bumping into each other. Remus knew Sirius kept his emotional wall high, seeing that he never talked about his past and he refused to commit to anyone, so he wasn’t sure what to expect. Why was he telling me this? Sirius knew Remus had feelings for him when Lily accidentally blurted it out some months ago when Sirius kept bringing his boy toys to their gatherings, always sparking pain in Remus. And Lily was always there to pick up the broken pieces.

“Why are you telling me this? Especially now,” he asked, echoing the thoughts racing through his head.

“Fuck, Re. I don’t know.” He dragged a hand over his face in frustration, his gravelly voice rumbling in the absence of sound. A pause. “I didn’t plan to tell you this tonight. Hell, I didn’t want to ever tell you this. But you’re just so… compelling. Attractive. _God,_ why do you have to be such a handsome bastard?”

Remus merely stared at his best friend as he ranted, entirely conflicted. Half of him was panicking, telling him that this would be the end of their three year long friendship. He couldn’t lose the only person he had learned to completely trust; Sirius had never left his side, even after he found out Remus had strong, “more than friends” feelings for him.

The other half of him wanted to lean across the foot of space between them and kiss Sirius until neither of them could properly breathe - the very thing he had wanted to do ever since laying eyes on him.

Remus dismissed both thoughts.

“You’re drunk.”

“No, I’m not.”

“It’s getting late.” Remus tried rationalizing it. He didn’t want to get his heart broken for the second time. By the same person. For the same reason. Not only would it be humiliating, but Remus wasn’t sure he would be able to go on like this again.

And he sure as hell didn’t want to be in a relationship with the man before him. As harsh as it sounded, the last thing he wanted was to end up like one of the crazy exes that tried again and again to get Sirius back after he broke up with them on the basis that he wasn’t ready for a relationship.

He never was. He may never be.

“I shouldn’t have said anything. I know how you feel about me, but I just… I can’t do a relationship like I know you’ve hoped for before. I don’t do that. I _can’t._ ”

“I-I don’t want a relationship.”

Sirius paused to think.

“What are we doing, Sirius?” A whisper.

“Hell if know.” A laugh. “But if neither of us wants to commit… and we both want each other, then - ”

He was cut off as Remus reached over the minimal space between them and crushed his wine stained lips into Sirius’s - a kiss neither of them knew he was capable of. Remus ran his pale hands through Sirius’s hair, twisting the locks through his lean fingers as he tried to pull the man as close as he possibly could. Sirius leaned back with wild eyes and swollen lips, and whispered hoarsely, “So I take it we’re on the same page?”  
Remus’s chuckle vibrated as he ducked underneath the hard curve of Sirius’s jaw and began running his parted lips over his hot skin, his breath skating over like a summer breeze as he replied, “Yes.”

That was just the beginning.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm really enjoying writing this - the story is coming to me so easily and writing it (as heartwrenching as it may be) is so fun!! What do you guys think Sirius did to break Remus's heart? Comment below!!


	3. Chapter 3

“We need rules.”  
A long list of expletives exploded from Remus’s lips as he threw his book up in surprise. Straightening his glasses and clutching his precious novel to his chest, he shot a glare in the direction of the owner of the voice that had interrupted his reading.

It was Sirius.

“You scared the shit out of me!”

“Rules. We need them.”  
“What the hell are you going on about? And how did you know I was here?” he added as an afterthought. Remus examined his friend. His friend that he just so happened to make out with. He had been reading under the shade of an oak tree, sitting in the grasses of a park in his neighborhood. There was hardly a cloud in the sky and the area was mostly empty except for the occasional passersby on the path and a family enjoying the warm morning. It was a Saturday, the day after The Incident, and Remus needed to clear his mind. But he couldn’t do it on the same couch he had kissed his best friend. Thus the decision to get some fresh air. 

“Unimportant,” he replied vaguely, unconcerned as he sat down across from Remus. Sirius’s eyes met his and as he explained. “I’ve been thinking. And I’m done skirting around the fact that we’re attracted to each other. Last night was just the beginning.”

“You… you want this to continue?”

“Yes. Unless you don’t?”

Remus thought about it for a moment. He thought about the risk of heartbreak, the fear of rejection, the nightmares of isolation. His mum used to tell him that he couldn’t focus on the risks, countering “what if” with every crossroad he encountered. She would always say with the slightest smile playing on her lips, “If you’re not taking a risk, then what the hell are you doing?” Remus went back to the instant their lips had collided, the feeling of Sirius’s erratic heartbeat underneath his hand… 

“I want to.”

“Then we need rules so this doesn’t turn into a complete shitfest.”

Remus shut his book and squinted at Sirius, the sun filtering through his messy black hair pulled up into a bun. The light hit his face at the perfect angle, his cheekbones illuminated by the yellow glow and his jaw shadowed by its absence. Remus’s fingers itched to take out his camera (which he carried around everywhere) and snap a photograph of the beautiful man sitting just a few feet in front of him. 

A voice brought him back to reality.

“Yes, yes. I’m listening,” Remus lied unconvincingly, a flush creeping up his neck as he averted his gaze.

Sirius’s eyebrows shot up in suspicion, but he let it go, instead pulling out a notebook and pen from his tote bag (“Dog mom AF”), opening to a fresh page. Remus’s mouth dropped.

“You’re going to  _ write it down? _ ” he asked in disbelief.

Sirius looked up at him with a “duh” expression. “How else are we going to remember?”

He threw up his hands and sighed, rubbing his temples. “You really don’t think we can memorize a few simple rules?”

“Maybe you can,” Sirius said with a click of his pen, “but I don’t even remember the name of the last person I fucked.”  
“Well, maybe that’s a you problem.”

“I don’t appreciate the sarcasm, Moony.” He wrote the date at the top right corner like a elementary school student. “Anyway, lists are fun!”

Remus succeeded and went back to plucking blades of grass with frustration.

“Number one,” Sirius muttered as he wrote, pausing to look up at him with a change of expression. A harder one. His eyes pierced Remus’s without a trace of the humor that was there just seconds ago. 

_ The walls have come up,  _ Remus thought to himself.

“Don’t fall in love with me,” he told Remus, his face void of all emotion as his pen trailed after the echo of his voice. “That means no dates after we fuck, no holding hands, no kissing in public. Purely sex. Don’t expect a future.”  
Remus held his breath, his heart racing with every syllable.

“Number two. No seeing other people. That isn’t to say we’re exclusive, but I think it would be best if this is as simple as it can be.

“And finally,” Sirius said, “number three. No staying over after we spend the evening together. Again, I don’t want to blur the lines.” He read over the bullet points and then looked up at a pale Remus. “D’you think I’ve got it all?”  
He simply nodded.

“I’m glad we’re in agreement. And Remus?”

Another nod.

“I know you used to have strong feelings for me and it was tense between us for a while, but I’m glad they’ve faded so we can finally do this. Shit like that just ends up with broken hearts, and it’s nice to know that won’t be a possible outcome this time.”

_ I’m glad they’ve faded. _

_ Shit like that just ends up with broken hearts. _

He should have said something then. Should have told Sirius that they were complete idiots to think this could possibly work out. What the hell were they thinking? Their friends warned them half a dozen times and they had both watched enough rom coms to predict the mess that this would become. He could’ve prevented a world of heartache, a ruined friendship, two broken men. But instead, he said the three words that shattered everything.

“Let’s do this.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for a shorter chapter? Hopefully the next ones will be a bit longer. This story has expanded a little since I began writing so I'm excited to see where it'll go :) Any predictions? Comment below!


	4. Chapter 4

Bars of sunlight flooded into the coffee shop where Remus was hiding out, having avoided at least four calls and dozens of texts from Lily. Having been there for four hours, he started on his third latte. He watched outside the window as people passed by, the streets dense with the Saturday crowd. Two men came into his view, their hands joined, their faces etched with blissful smiles. They leaned into each other and without a second thought of the people around them, they shared an intimate kiss. Remus sighed. Playing with the lid of the cardboard cup, he let his mind wander.

The first time Remus had an inclination that he may have feelings for Sirius was two months after James introduced his mutual friends. They were nineteen - foolish, reckless kids in the midst of becoming adults, obsessed with their self image and keen on getting through college. He was best friends with Lily, as they were both philosophy majors who lived in the same dorm. He was immediately drawn to her vibrant nature and humble intelligence. Her second favorite thing to do after vilifying Freud was talking endlessly about an obnoxious boy with obnoxiously untidy hair. That same boy was Sirius’s mate, and James and Lily were intent on introducing the pair. 

It was a small party in an even smaller dorm room. The lights were dim and the music was mellow, a quiet thrum beneath the talking of friends and strangers. Remus had been told to wear his best jumper for reasons unknown to him, so he followed orders and picked out his maroon sweater made of the softest cashmere. By the time Sirius arrived at the party clad in a leather jacket and combat boots, Remus was buzzed just enough to loosen his tongue. He remembered Lily pushing him away from the wall and into a very attractive man, and he stumbled over his words as James and Lily looked on like proud parents. The smug bastards.

Once the ice was broken, the conversation led itself. Remus and Sirius laughed more than they had in months. At the end of the night, they exchanged numbers and promised to see each other again. They kept it. Two months later, they got together sans James, Lily, and Peter for the first time. They were walking home from the cinema, the moon high and the night cold, when Sirius suddenly grabbed Remus’s hand, tugging him into him, claiming that he was freezing. They stood in the middle of the abandoned street holding each other with frozen feet and warm hearts. And Remus knew then that he was in a shitload of trouble. 

Their relationship had been like that for the following three years. Friends, teetering on the edge of something more, but never crossing the line. It was damn near impossible to get Sirius to open up to him, but after confiding in James, he learned that his family had been abusive since the day Sirius was born. Apparently, James’s family took him in when they were the mere age of fourteen. Sirius showed up at their doorstep with a bruised jaw and eyes full of tears. Fleamont and Euphemia didn’t say a word as they ushered him inside without a second thought. Remus had to promise not to tell anyone, not even Lily. It broke Remus’s heart that Sirius felt as if he had to go through it all alone, but it hurt even more that he couldn’t do anything about it. 

Remus pulled himself out of the daze as someone tapped him on the shoulder. Quite angrily, if he might add. He swiveled in his chair to find Lily looking down at him with an eyebrow quirked and a hand on her hip. 

Well, shit.

“Remus John Lupin, you better explain yourself.”

“Ah, Lily. I have no idea what you’re going on - ”

“Don’t lie to me. You know I hate that.”

She sat down next to him, taking a sip of his latte before continuing. “Sirius told me.” She rolled her eyes. “Let me rephrase that. James told me that Sirius told him that you two arranged some sort of agreement?”  
  
“It’s none of your business, really. I’m sorry.”

“It’s my business when my friend is going to be horribly hurt.”

Remus shook his head and looked at her earnestly. “I’m not going to get hurt. I want this. Yeah, I’ll have to put my feelings aside but it’s worth it. Trust me.”

Lily bit her lip with worry. The sun hit her face at the perfect angle, her green eyes shining in the light like sea glass, her freckles dancing on her pale skin. Remus loved her to death and knew she had his best interests at heart, but he knew what he was getting into. 

He reached over and grabbed her hand, holding it tight. She looked up at him and squeezed back with a small smile.

“Let’s get out of here. It seems like a good day to gorge ourselves on chocolate, don’t you think?”

“I… I’m meeting with Sirius in ten minutes.”

Lily sighed heavily and rubbed her temple. “I sure hope you know what you’re doing, Remus.”

“You and me both.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My apologies for not updating for a long time! I had a case of writer's block and I've been insanely busy. If you're still reading, thank you so much!! Hope you enjoy this (short) chapter :)


End file.
